woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize