Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
