She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize