She said her name was "party"
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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