I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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