There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
