this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
