Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
