my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
