Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
