she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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