I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We had sex on a dog bed..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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