i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Actions speak louder than pants.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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