Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I love you. Go after that dick
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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