Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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