Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
