she looked like the before picture.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
