We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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