I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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