Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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