Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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