I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
