I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
this boner is exhausting
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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