I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
