It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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