Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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