i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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