But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
