dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
