if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
