Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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