you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
