I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
