dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize