So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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