So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize