im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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