Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
