my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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