I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
