if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
