therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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