Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
