I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
