dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
