I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
