sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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