I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
