I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
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