just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
