cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
