how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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