Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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