I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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