I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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