My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize