guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
