sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
