that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think I am morally bankrupt
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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