Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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