dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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