if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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