I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just cropdusted the office
I am spending my child support on dildos
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize