i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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