i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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