Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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