here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
